I had heard that a past fling had recently become single again, and so I contacted him asking him whether he was attending a mutual friend's BBQ later that day. When he said he was, I felt excited to see him, but also a little nervous.
You see, we had dated briefly a few years back, and he had always wanted more from me. I was in love with someone else at the time, and after a couple of dates told him that I just wanted to be friends. In the months that followed, my behaviour was pretty unreasonable.... Getting drunk and kissing him in front of all our friends, leading him on constantly and rejecting him numerous times. He'd halted all communication with me and rightly so. Not long after, he began dating a colleague of his, and upon bumping into them earlier this year, it seemed fairly clear that they were very much in love and happy together.
You could imagine my shock when mere months later he ended the relationship after realising he wasn't in love with her and couldn't continue...She was devastated.
So there we were at the BBQ, slightly awkward and trying to sustain conversation as though nothing had happened. It was going pretty well. Mr Captain Morgan was certainly helping, and I was trying to send obvious signals to no avail. When a small group of us decided to bail and go to a house party in a lavish Canary Wharf apartment, I felt like I had the chance to let him know I was interested.
Upon arrival, I immediately felt under dressed in my grey converse skinny jeans after seeing a full room of girls dressed and made up to the nines. I saw his eyes light up and silently said "SHIT" over and over to myself in my head.
He started chatting to a pretty girl and I began to sulk, stating to my friends that I wanted to go home. One friend reassured me, and after speaking with her I decided to talk to him.
Bringing up the past, I started to apologise and he asked me to talk with him outside in the hallway. We made our way through the sea of skinny legs, and false eyelashes. Once outside, he pushed me up against the wall and kissed me. I finally felt that perhaps I had got through to him, but once we were back in the party, he started chatting with a blonde girl. All very flirty- punishing me perhaps?
I began getting more and more annoyed until I finally marched up to them, sarcastically apologised for interrupting the conversation and asked to have a word outside.
He apologised and I accepted. It it always difficult to protest when you are being passionately kissed against a wall.
We decided to leave and headed back to his place where our clothes were quickly lost and I experienced a higher dose of passion than that of the hallway earlier. As we drifted in and out of sleep, his arms were around me all night, pulling me into the concave shell of his body while dotting my back and neck with kisses.
In the morning we slept together again, but nothing could have prepared me for what happened next.
He was above me. Staring at me, looking into my eyes. I started feeling a little self concious from the intensity of it all. When all of a sudden, he looked as though he might say something, but stopped himself at the last minute. But then, whilst our eyes were still interlocked, he uttered very softly "I love you".
I immediately wondered whether he'd really said it or whether my mind was playing tricks on me. But then for the second time, in a whisper, he said it again. I was shocked, and his admission was met with silence.
We just continued as though nothing had happened, and shortly after I left to meet a friend for brunch despite him asking me numerous times to stay a little longer.
He walked me to the tube (I was now very happy that I was wearing my converse and not heels!), and we kissed goodbye.
Another date is on the cards, but if those 3 little words are uttered again, it may be time to run...
You see, we had dated briefly a few years back, and he had always wanted more from me. I was in love with someone else at the time, and after a couple of dates told him that I just wanted to be friends. In the months that followed, my behaviour was pretty unreasonable.... Getting drunk and kissing him in front of all our friends, leading him on constantly and rejecting him numerous times. He'd halted all communication with me and rightly so. Not long after, he began dating a colleague of his, and upon bumping into them earlier this year, it seemed fairly clear that they were very much in love and happy together.
You could imagine my shock when mere months later he ended the relationship after realising he wasn't in love with her and couldn't continue...She was devastated.
So there we were at the BBQ, slightly awkward and trying to sustain conversation as though nothing had happened. It was going pretty well. Mr Captain Morgan was certainly helping, and I was trying to send obvious signals to no avail. When a small group of us decided to bail and go to a house party in a lavish Canary Wharf apartment, I felt like I had the chance to let him know I was interested.
Upon arrival, I immediately felt under dressed in my grey converse skinny jeans after seeing a full room of girls dressed and made up to the nines. I saw his eyes light up and silently said "SHIT" over and over to myself in my head.
He started chatting to a pretty girl and I began to sulk, stating to my friends that I wanted to go home. One friend reassured me, and after speaking with her I decided to talk to him.
Bringing up the past, I started to apologise and he asked me to talk with him outside in the hallway. We made our way through the sea of skinny legs, and false eyelashes. Once outside, he pushed me up against the wall and kissed me. I finally felt that perhaps I had got through to him, but once we were back in the party, he started chatting with a blonde girl. All very flirty- punishing me perhaps?
I began getting more and more annoyed until I finally marched up to them, sarcastically apologised for interrupting the conversation and asked to have a word outside.
He apologised and I accepted. It it always difficult to protest when you are being passionately kissed against a wall.
We decided to leave and headed back to his place where our clothes were quickly lost and I experienced a higher dose of passion than that of the hallway earlier. As we drifted in and out of sleep, his arms were around me all night, pulling me into the concave shell of his body while dotting my back and neck with kisses.
In the morning we slept together again, but nothing could have prepared me for what happened next.
He was above me. Staring at me, looking into my eyes. I started feeling a little self concious from the intensity of it all. When all of a sudden, he looked as though he might say something, but stopped himself at the last minute. But then, whilst our eyes were still interlocked, he uttered very softly "I love you".
I immediately wondered whether he'd really said it or whether my mind was playing tricks on me. But then for the second time, in a whisper, he said it again. I was shocked, and his admission was met with silence.
We just continued as though nothing had happened, and shortly after I left to meet a friend for brunch despite him asking me numerous times to stay a little longer.
He walked me to the tube (I was now very happy that I was wearing my converse and not heels!), and we kissed goodbye.
Another date is on the cards, but if those 3 little words are uttered again, it may be time to run...
